Coming Home
Return from War
Adjusting to Life Back Home
The flight back to San Francisco was a long one, but our exhaustion allowed most of us to sleep for most of the journey. We hadn’t had the chance to wash up or change out of our jungle fatigues before boarding the plane at Tan Son Nhut Airbase, so the smells of war still clung heavily to our uniforms. The civilian flight attendants did their best to maintain smiles as they passed by, no doubt catching a strong whiff every so often. Our destination suddenly changed as we entered holding patterns over the Pacific, circling endlessly before being diverted north to Norton Air Force Base. The lack of explanation from pilots and crew only heightened our worries and frustrations. Upon landing, we discovered that protests at San Francisco airport made securing our safety impossible. Only after arriving at Oakland Army Base did we finally get the opportunity for long awaited hot showers and clean new uniforms.
A Changed Homecoming
My family back home in Massachusetts knew I was returning soon, but unaware of the diversions, they had no idea of my exact arrival date. I boarded a flight to Boston looking forward to surprising them, only to encounter hostility from protestors at the airport accusing me of killing innocents. Their finger-pointing demands left me feeling defensive yet also sympathetic to their cause, knowing the war’s injustice myself. The next day, I expected a warm homecoming, but our dog Teddy reacted differently than anticipated. Perhaps he smelled something changed within me, or perhaps my prolonged absence had him unsure of who I was. Except for the bite on my leg, the homecoming was a blessed relief. But adjustment wouldn’t be easy, as I would soon discover.
Struggling to Adapt
Nightmares and Flashbacks
Settling back into civilian life, my dreams were frequently interrupted by sounds triggering memories of conflict. Police sirens or passing fire trucks in the night would jolt me awake, heart racing. Like many veterans, I found sleep only with the aid of alcohol or medication.
Anger and Bitterness
Reporting for duty at Fort Sam Houston, I felt consumed by outrage at what had been done to my fellow soldiers and I. We were betrayed by our leaders who led us into that mess, and by our fellow citizens who opposed us. In those days, it didn’t take much to set me off.
The Path to Healing
Hiding from the Past
Taking a teaching job, I hid my service history, knowing the environment’s strong anti-war sentiment. All things connected to my time in uniform, I disposed of. Only with the help of an understanding second wife could I begin to open up.
Flashbacks Never Fully Disappear
Though lessened today, flashes from the past can still be triggered by unanticipated scenes in a movie or television show. Ken Burn’s documentary in particular brought back difficult memories. Healing is an ongoing process, and the experiences of war never fade completely.
Speaking from Experience
A Message for Today
When thanked for my service now, my response is also one of questioning. What are people doing today to aid those continuing to serve in harm’s way, and to elect leaders who truly consider consequences before sending young Americans into conflict? Only by learning from the past can we avoid repeating mistakes and spare future generations unnecessary suffering.
