What Narcissists Do When a Relationship Ends

Carefully planned discarding

Narcissists will end a relationship abruptly which may leave their partner confused and hurt. They do this intentionally to gain supply from seeing their partner beg for explanations or to get them back. Ending relationships is never a surprise to narcissists as they have carefully planned it since the start for maximize supply. They keep their next source of supply ready to immediately replace the discarded partner.

Gradual detachment and replacement

They will start pulling back on small gestures of affection over time to detach emotionally. Calling or spending time with their partner becomes less frequent as they direct more of their attention to new sources of supply. Activities and weekends previously shared with their partner get replaced with meeting other people. They may openly pay attention to attractive alternatives in front of their partner. All of this is a calculated move to gradually replace their current partner before leaving them.

Covert cheating and blame games

In some cases, the narcissist’s detachment happens because they have already been emotionally or physically unfaithful. They text other people in front of their partner until the truth surfaces. When confronted, they will expertly turn it around and blame their partner instead of taking responsibility. The goal is to make their partner feel ** worthless and unlovable** so they can leave without guilt.

Hoovering and bait-and-switch

Many narcissists won’t just let their ex-partners go peacefully even after leaving the relationship or getting into a new one. They use a technique called “hoovering” – trying to re-establish control over their ex by appealing to their emotions through crying for help, romantic gestures, contacting them on special dates etc. Their real intention is not reconciliation but tactics like love-bombing, future faking or feigning change to lure their ex back as source of supply. If the ex remains resistant, narcissists may turn hostile and abusive to punish them.

Smear campaigns and triangulation

Those who see through their manipulation may face the wrath of narcissists in forms of smear campaigns. They tell horrible lies about their ex to friends/family to turn them against their ex and also isolate them from support systems. In some cases, they can even enlist new sources of supply or third parties to further harass and intimidate their ex, a tactic known as triangulation. The goal is to destroy reputation and self-esteem of whoever disempowers them by leaving or rejecting them.

Stalking and harassment

Some especially toxic narcissists refuse to accept boundaries even after breakups. They stalk, threaten and harass their ex-partners physically or online. Unwanted contact and attempts to monitor their ex’s life continue even when the ex tries to cut off all communication and contact. Their intention is to inflict maximum fear and trauma to regain control over their ex or sabotage their healing process after the relationship. In severe cases, this harassment can escalate to physical violence or even murder if the narcissist feels enraged by the real or perceived “abandonment”.

Closure denied

One of the most hurtful parts of breaking up with a narcissist is that they refuse to provide any closure or explanation for ending things. They vanish suddenly without looking back, leaving their ex confused and blaming themselves. This denial of closure is again a calculated move so that the narcissist can hoover their ex back periodically for supply in future by appearing suddenly to provide the explanation their ex craves. It also serves to make their ex emotionally volatile and desperate so they can easily exploit that vulnerability for more control and manipulation.

The cruel truth

Ultimately, narcissists are incapable of genuinely caring for their partners as human beings. Relationships are only a means to an end to feed their excessive ego, sense of importance and entitlement. Partners are treated like disposable objects that can be replaced at will when they are no more useful. Ending a relationship with a narcissist often means enduring the most hurtful behaviors designed to punish the ex for disobedience while the narcissist moves on seamlessly to their next target, leaving a trail of trauma behind.